1 00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:06,348 [both chuckle] 2 00:00:06,435 --> 00:00:09,307 [rock music] 3 00:00:09,394 --> 00:00:16,010 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:21,189 Hey, how's it going? 5 00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:24,801 Do you have any matches? - No. 6 00:00:24,888 --> 00:00:27,935 - How about a lighter? - No. 7 00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:31,547 Because it says you have fire wings. 8 00:00:31,634 --> 00:00:32,940 Get out of here, kid. 9 00:00:34,594 --> 00:00:37,771 Damn it. Fartknocker. 10 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:41,426 [eerie music] 11 00:00:41,513 --> 00:00:43,907 Huh, let's go have a look. 12 00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:48,259 ♪ ♪ 13 00:00:48,346 --> 00:00:50,479 Whoa, fire! Yeah, yeah! 14 00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:53,351 Yeah, fire! Fire! 15 00:00:53,438 --> 00:00:56,441 Fire! Fire! 16 00:00:56,528 --> 00:00:58,618 ♪ ♪ 17 00:00:58,705 --> 00:01:00,620 Hello, Beavis. 18 00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:03,492 I have been waiting for you. 19 00:01:03,579 --> 00:01:06,800 I am Fire. 20 00:01:06,887 --> 00:01:09,977 Whoa, yeah, fire! Yeah, yeah. 21 00:01:10,064 --> 00:01:12,501 You, like--you kick ass. Yeah. [chuckles] 22 00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:17,071 [chuckles] I have great power, yes. 23 00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:19,203 Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. 24 00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:22,250 So, like--so you can talk? 25 00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:25,557 I have always been able to talk to you, Beavis. 26 00:01:25,645 --> 00:01:28,299 Remember? 27 00:01:28,386 --> 00:01:32,695 all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 28 00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:35,524 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 29 00:01:35,611 --> 00:01:39,267 Beavis, it is I, Fire. 30 00:01:39,354 --> 00:01:43,488 Look upon my fearful glory. 31 00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:46,796 Fire. [chuckles] 32 00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:49,103 Yeah, fire. [chuckles] 33 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,409 Um, Fire, do you remember when I put an M-80 34 00:01:51,496 --> 00:01:55,500 in Mr. Anderson's mailbox and it started a big fire? 35 00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:58,982 Yes, that was me. 36 00:01:59,069 --> 00:02:00,680 Remember when I found my first lighter 37 00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,378 and it was, like, fire. Yeah. [chuckles] 38 00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:07,991 I remember. I am Fire. 39 00:02:08,078 --> 00:02:09,123 Have you ever been in a volcano? 40 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,213 I am in all the volcanoes. 41 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,781 And what about that forest fire? 42 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,219 Yeah. - That was a great day. 43 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,264 Yeah, Smokey the Bear sucks. Yeah. [chuckles] 44 00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:23,964 It's not his fault. I killed his parents. 45 00:02:24,051 --> 00:02:25,922 He's just trying to mend the hole 46 00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,272 in his heart that I put there. 47 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,318 You're cool, yeah. [chuckles] 48 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:31,841 Quite so. 49 00:02:31,928 --> 00:02:34,148 And you, Beavis, 50 00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:37,238 are my special one. 51 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,807 - Fire, fire! - Fire. 52 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,548 Now, Beavis, listen to me. 53 00:02:43,635 --> 00:02:45,812 I am going to command you, 54 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:50,468 and you will do exactly as I say. 55 00:02:50,555 --> 00:02:53,994 Yes, Fire, tell me what to do, and I will obey, yeah. 56 00:02:54,081 --> 00:02:56,083 Very good. 57 00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:58,912 [laughs evilly] 58 00:02:58,999 --> 00:03:02,045 Now, Beavis, go to your school 59 00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:05,266 and run four times around the track. 60 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:09,052 That will be one mile. 61 00:03:09,139 --> 00:03:11,315 Um, that's what you want me to do? 62 00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:14,231 Yes. 63 00:03:14,318 --> 00:03:16,451 Okay, I guess that's pretty cool. 64 00:03:16,538 --> 00:03:18,758 Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna run, yeah. 65 00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:21,282 Now, be gone! 66 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,459 Fire, fire! [chuckles] 67 00:03:25,895 --> 00:03:28,942 Yeah, fire. Fire, yeah, fire. 68 00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:36,123 [sighs] Hey, Fire, I'm back. 69 00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:39,735 Did you run around the track four times, 70 00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:43,347 completing a distance of one mile? 71 00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:45,872 Yes, Fire, yes. I did as you command, yes. 72 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:50,964 Very good, my loyal servant. 73 00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:55,142 So, Fire, um, why did you command me to do that? 74 00:03:55,229 --> 00:03:56,970 It was good exercise. 75 00:03:57,057 --> 00:03:59,842 You needed it. 76 00:03:59,929 --> 00:04:01,757 [groans] Well, I guess so. 77 00:04:01,844 --> 00:04:04,281 I don't know. I mean, if you say so. 78 00:04:04,368 --> 00:04:07,981 Butt-Head doesn't understand us, does he? 79 00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:10,113 My special one, 80 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,987 what we have, what I am? 81 00:04:14,074 --> 00:04:16,032 No, he doesn't. Yeah, he sucks. 82 00:04:16,119 --> 00:04:18,339 Yeah, let's burn him. Yeah. [chuckles] 83 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:22,865 Hmm, perhaps, in good time, 84 00:04:22,952 --> 00:04:24,127 but not today, 85 00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:28,740 for I have for you a second command. 86 00:04:28,828 --> 00:04:30,177 Yes, command me. 87 00:04:30,264 --> 00:04:32,788 Yeah, that first one was just a warm-up. Yeah. 88 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:35,878 Look around you, Beavis. 89 00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:40,230 The streets of the city are crawling with filth, 90 00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:43,581 but you and I know what to do about filth, 91 00:04:43,668 --> 00:04:45,583 don't we, Beavis? 92 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:49,022 Yes! Yeah! Yeah, fire! [chuckles] 93 00:04:49,109 --> 00:04:50,937 I command you 94 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,288 to pick up all of the plastic bottles in this alley 95 00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,290 and put them in the recycling 96 00:04:56,377 --> 00:05:01,077 and then the same for the surrounding streets! 97 00:05:01,164 --> 00:05:03,688 Really? Um, you command me to do that? 98 00:05:03,775 --> 00:05:06,996 - Obey me! - Okay, okay. Yeah. 99 00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:09,390 Yeah, fire. Okay. 100 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,566 Get this here. [chuckles] 101 00:05:11,653 --> 00:05:14,308 Get one of these. 102 00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:17,006 No, not the regular trash! 103 00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:19,922 The blue one! - Okay, okay. 104 00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:27,016 [mellow country music] 105 00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,322 ♪ ♪ 106 00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:30,411 Beavis, here's a little something 107 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:33,718 for you from Cale Dodds. [chuckles] 108 00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:36,983 Yeah, this is country, I can tell, yeah. [chuckles] 109 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,985 ♪ Down a two lane with no name... ♪ 110 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,292 I can tell because he said "down a two lane." 111 00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:45,121 And there's, like, a story. [chuckles] 112 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,732 I think that's the guy who makes "Family Guy." 113 00:05:47,819 --> 00:05:51,040 I didn't know he was a country singer, too, yeah. 114 00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:53,695 ♪ I see you in a sun dress ♪ 115 00:05:53,782 --> 00:05:59,483 Whoa, he's trying to score at breakfast. [chuckles] 116 00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:01,398 Yeah, and didn't work, yeah. [chuckles] 117 00:06:01,485 --> 00:06:03,966 Well, you know, there's always lunch and dinner. 118 00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:06,577 ♪ They're all coming ♪ 119 00:06:06,664 --> 00:06:11,147 Uh, okay, he's like, "Okay, I can handle this." 120 00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:13,933 Uh, hello, I'm country star Cale Dodds. 121 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,109 I used to be a loser like you. 122 00:06:16,196 --> 00:06:19,851 Uh, I mean, not like you, exactly. 123 00:06:19,939 --> 00:06:22,289 Yeah, you know what I mean, um, I was in a band. 124 00:06:22,376 --> 00:06:24,639 All the chicks liked me and all that, you know. 125 00:06:24,726 --> 00:06:27,903 I was nothing like you. [chuckles] 126 00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:30,688 You're a loser. [both chuckle] 127 00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:34,301 He's like, you see, your problem is this sweater. 128 00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:36,303 Yeah, just get rid of the sweater, 129 00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,435 and that chick'll come right over here 130 00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:41,047 and get it on with you right in the middle of Applebee's. 131 00:06:44,224 --> 00:06:46,313 Uh, this is like all those movies 132 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,532 where, like, the good-looking cool guy 133 00:06:48,619 --> 00:06:50,665 teaches the dork how to score, 134 00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:52,754 and he, like, trains him. 135 00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:54,843 Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles] 136 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:59,021 He's grooming him. [chuckles] 137 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,458 He's like, you know, now that I paid for your meal, 138 00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:02,633 why don't you come back to my place 139 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,071 and try on some clothes for me? [chuckles] 140 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,855 Yeah. [chuckles] 141 00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:08,683 He's gonna wind up in a shallow grave. 142 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:12,208 [chuckles] 143 00:07:12,295 --> 00:07:16,038 They told us about these kind of guys in health class. 144 00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:18,432 All the warning signs were there. 145 00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:20,434 They may come across as friendly at first. 146 00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:22,653 They might even sing you a country song. 147 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,221 But beware. [chuckles] 148 00:07:25,308 --> 00:07:26,266 They might buy your breakfast, 149 00:07:26,353 --> 00:07:28,181 but that breakfast isn't free. 150 00:07:28,268 --> 00:07:29,573 Here's what happened to a young man 151 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:31,227 who went home with Cale Dodds. 152 00:07:31,314 --> 00:07:33,403 [both chuckle] 153 00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:35,797 ♪ The stars ain't started to glow ♪ 154 00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:37,668 So, like, does this video mean 155 00:07:37,755 --> 00:07:40,541 that if you change your shirt, you'll score with chicks? 156 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,195 [both chuckle] - Yeah, that's ridiculous! 157 00:07:42,282 --> 00:07:44,240 Because I have the coolest shirt 158 00:07:44,327 --> 00:07:49,028 you could possibly have, and I still don't score. 159 00:07:49,115 --> 00:07:51,595 ♪ I like where this is going ♪ 160 00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:55,425 ♪ I like it, yeah, I like it ♪ 161 00:07:55,512 --> 00:07:58,994 Uh, the only way he can score 162 00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:00,822 is to go to a club and sit around 163 00:08:00,909 --> 00:08:04,217 and wait for a girl to trip and fall over. [chuckles] 164 00:08:04,304 --> 00:08:06,697 Yeah, maybe I should try that. [chuckles] 165 00:08:06,784 --> 00:08:08,699 As soon as the director says "cut," 166 00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:10,049 that hot girl's gonna leave the dork 167 00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:12,181 and go score with Cale Dodds. 168 00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:14,792 [chuckles] 169 00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:16,664 And then the dork is gonna go home alone, 170 00:08:16,751 --> 00:08:20,233 put on a new shirt, and spank his monkey. 171 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,235 Now that's a country song. 172 00:08:22,322 --> 00:08:25,847 [both chuckling] 173 00:08:28,719 --> 00:08:31,983 Um, okay, Fire, um, so I picked up all the bottles. 174 00:08:32,071 --> 00:08:37,206 Very good. Very good indeed. 175 00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,513 [laughs] 176 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,385 Yeah, I guess it was fine. I don't know. 177 00:08:42,472 --> 00:08:47,608 Beavis, are you ready to obey my next command? 178 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,479 Yes, Fire, yes! 179 00:08:49,566 --> 00:08:52,482 And something cool this time maybe. Yeah. 180 00:08:52,569 --> 00:08:55,616 I think you'll find this very cool. 181 00:08:55,703 --> 00:09:00,055 You could say I was just getting warmed up. 182 00:09:00,142 --> 00:09:02,318 [laughs] 183 00:09:02,405 --> 00:09:05,408 Now, listen closely 184 00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:08,237 to what you shall do. 185 00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:11,153 Yeah! I'm listening closely. Yeah. 186 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,375 You will go and read "Call of the Wild" 187 00:09:15,462 --> 00:09:19,248 and write a two-page report on it. 188 00:09:19,335 --> 00:09:21,294 Um, what? 189 00:09:21,381 --> 00:09:23,774 Now do my bidding. 190 00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:27,561 Use topic sentences! 191 00:09:27,648 --> 00:09:31,782 Um, Fire, um, why are you making me do this stuff? 192 00:09:31,869 --> 00:09:34,524 You are my special one, Beavis. 193 00:09:34,611 --> 00:09:36,352 Uh-huh. 194 00:09:36,439 --> 00:09:37,701 And it's about time you applied yourself. 195 00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:39,138 [groans] 196 00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:41,749 It's one thing to screw around in middle school, 197 00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:45,622 but you are almost at the point where it counts for colleges. 198 00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,668 Oh, boy. 199 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,104 Now go 200 00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:52,934 before I make it five pages! 201 00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:55,719 Um, just wait here a second. Yeah. 202 00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:57,678 [chuckles] 203 00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:02,552 Um, did you know there's a fire in the garbage back there? 204 00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:04,250 [groans] Again? 205 00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:07,557 Yeah, there it is. 206 00:10:07,644 --> 00:10:09,168 [gasps] What? 207 00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:12,780 No, Beavis, no. Stop him, Beavis. 208 00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:16,305 The pain! I'm being extinguished! 209 00:10:16,392 --> 00:10:18,786 Punish him that dare... [coughs] 210 00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:21,963 Oh, please. [coughs] 211 00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:25,053 It doesn't have to be two pages... 212 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,795 just three paragraphs. 213 00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:32,321 [groans] Remember the M-80s. 214 00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:36,238 [groans] So cold. 215 00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:37,370 Thanks, kid. 216 00:10:41,112 --> 00:10:45,508 And there was so much left to burn. 217 00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:50,209 Farewell, my special one. 218 00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:55,953 That fire sucked. [chuckles] 219 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,304 Whoa, cool. [chuckles] 220 00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,914 Yeah, fire! 221 00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:00,915 [rock music] 222 00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:04,962 Fire. Fire, fire! 223 00:11:05,049 --> 00:11:11,926 ♪ ♪ 224 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,774 Chirp.